28 August 2007

Sorry, Promised Land is Closed

Nervous Floridians are bracing for a Category 5.

A Category 5 Mass Migration.

Apparently, there are two words that strike panic into the hearts of Floridians:

Andrew and Mariel.

But have no fear, the genius in chief can't protect you from a Hurricane-um-Katrina-but he can certainly protect you from the hoards of Cubans, up to 500,000, that are expected to take to seas once Castro is cremated. No need to hide your daughters..why there's Operation Vigilant Sentry .

Of course, there aren't enough boats in Cuba to bring that many Cubans over, so the Miami Mafia would have to take to the sea to go pick up their enslaved brethren. So basically Operation Vigilant Sentry is going to be the worst case of racial profiling in recent US history - a selective martial law that only applies to Cuban Americans.

Roads and Marinas will be shut. The teargas will be taken out of storage (remember Elian), and we will all be herded to the Orange Bowl as a consolation price.

Actually, maybe all these Friday rumors are part of Vigilant Sentry- a weapon of mass diversion. The plan might be to start Castro is Dead rumors every other day or so, so that when the real announcement is made, everybody will have Castro Death Rumor Overload and not believe it.

So the Promise Land is closed. Walled off and moated. That leaves no other choice than to build a better promised land 90 miles south.


Jewbana said...


Fix the link please. I know I'll get a great laugh. Your humor is THE BEST!
You know, after visiting here a few times, I learned that I shouldn't have any liquids in my mouth while reading lest I want to spray my screen and keyboard. Oh, and an empty bladder is always recommended before reading your blog.

El Gusano said...

that's cause you've actually met me and know my toungue is ALWAYS firmly implanted in my cheek (right of course). most folks must think i'm you know..smart.

El Gusano said...

estoy de madre not only was the link brokeada, i spellt sentry wrong 3 times...thanks

Jewbana said...

Coño Gusa!

Fix the link! I'm waiting, no drink in sight and bladder is empty.

Jewbana said...

Thanks Gusano, the link works.
But me thinks that the mass exodus will be from here to there.
I'm using this "While I Wait for Fifo to Die Time" wisely. Since I don't have too much resistance to alcohol, I'm drinking a little more each day. Just so that I can work up to drinking a whole bottle of champagne (maybe 2) by myself. Yeah! right out of the bottle, no glass needed!

El Gusano said...

yes. South FL will have a maritime blockade for a few days. it's just Cubanophobia-nobody's goin anywhere.

Charlie Bravo said...

As I wrote, this is the first time the USA imposses a naval blockade to its own citizens.
It's not only Cubanophobia towards the Cubans in the Island, it's also Cubanophobia towards the Cubans in the USA.
I would define it as an upper stage of Cubanophobia, i.e. Cubanophrenia, a mental disorder caused by the sudden aggravation of chronic Cubanophobia.

Tomás Estrada-Palma said...

That's what I want to do. This promised land is full of liars don't you don't?

Anonymous said...

Cubanophobia originated with Castro himself. I was living in Hialeah during Mariel and I remember allowing Cuban people who worked in my department to leave work and find boats that could make it to Mariel. Then Castro decided to screw Jimmy Carter, who had welcomed Cubans into the USA with "open arms": He required many of those boats to carry criminals. There definitely was a change in Hialeah after the ex-prisoners arrived. Castro was and is an expert at screwing US presidents and he succeeded very well in forming a division between Cuban American citizens and native born citizens. Today we call it Cubanophobia but I wish we could put that aside because everytime we use that term, El Cadaver Commandante further cements that division that he intentionally created. I wish for the best for both native and American Cubans and appreciate the many, many benefits you have brought to South Florida and this country as a whole.

Marta said...

Misspellers of the World - UNTIE! =D

Question: Are we (Cuban Americans) the only ones aware of this nonsense? Or are we the only ones who care?

Jewbana -
Building up our alcohol tolerance to pass the time - what a great plan! Then we can go to Betty Ford together!! Think of the fun we'll have! =D

Anonymous said...

Even if all 11 million Cubans came here there still would be more Mexicans by far, mmmmmm.... better keep an eye those Cubans Lol WASAP WIT DAT?

El Gusano said...

I can tell you many stories of being treated with respect and compassion by Americans and only a hanful of bad stories. but some of the characters unleashed on the US by Castro were frightful and they left a bad impression. Thanks for the kind words. Cubanophobia is a sarcastic term to describe the phobia that the curent administration has of another Mariel and a distable Cuba, not so much the American people which you know we love and defend every chance we get. A contact reminded today as a matter of fact , that much of the current Cubanophobia is fueled by homeland security dollars.

Anonymous said...

No you are not the only ones. There may not be many others, but we are out here.

Amy said...

So every comment I thought about making would probably get me a regaña, so I'll skip my thoughts and just let you know I read it. ;-)

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