09 October 2006

From USA Today:

Fidel Castro 'is not dying,' brother says

HAVANA (AP) — According to the AP, Raul Castro, acting Cuban “President”, says that his brother, Fidel Castro, Cuban Tyrant and colossal failure, is not dying, but recovering from an illness.

The AP quotes Raul Castro as saying: "He is not dying like some of the press in Miami is saying. "He is constantly getting better."


Raul made his remarks at the closing of the Children’s Congress for Pioneers of the Revolution or the CastroYugend.

With the careless joy and optimism typically expressed by school children worldwide the Pioneers issued the following statement:

"To Bush and his followers, we say stop being foolish, and that they are truly a bunch of cockroaches," "Don't mess with us, because the pioneers are also ready to defend the Revolution."

How sweet!

Anyway, I don’t know what “Miami Press” Raul Castro reads, unless he’s going over to Babalu which is a blog published out of Miami by an architect. The “Miami Press” that I read (as I hold my nose) spends most of its time attacking the “cockroaches”. Only here, in the United States, people are much too sophisticated to resort to entomological name-calling to insult their ideological opponents like an immature ten-year old member of the Pioneers for the Revolution would. The Miami Press prefers canine “metaphors” to make its point. Cubans here are called rabid dogs and Chihuahuas.(hyenas and jackals may follow in subsequent editorials)

The only “press” report that has suggested that the tyrant is on his last legs, (as an aside, Cubans would say: en sus ultimas afietadas or last shaves, but that wouldn’t apply to the tyrant because he has a beard-just digressing), came from Time. They reported he may have terminal cancer and thus would not return to power. Way to go out on a limb there!

Interestingly, Raul Castro, (ok, I hate having to type his whole name out so, henceforth, Raul Castro is ReCastro) does not deny the report that Castro has cancer. ReCastro merely denies that he is dying. That, in Cuban Newspeak, means that the tyrant does indeed have cancer, but that his death is not imminent. ReCastro doesn’t deny the other important part of the story either. According to the Time piece, Castro would not return to power because of his illness. ReCastro can only say that the tyrant has a phone next to his bed and that he uses it more and more each day. That’s a telling statement. Again, in totalitarian Cuban Newspeak, that means the gig is up for the tyrant.

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